I'm counting down...
Anyway, I'm feeling restless and listless for the past few days. I need a "renaissance period" (like say what?)
Work's great...erm..not really, just OK-LAH!
How do I make you happy?
The thing about being with someone, sometimes you just have to ask yourself, am I doing enough, am I doing the right thing?
Mind you, these questions never existed until you know lah hah!
Alright, what's there to be afraid. Everyone knows I'm with him so yes, I'm referring to my boyfriend Fazli. He's a nice chap,he truly cares about my feelings, passionate about lots of things,responsible, sweet and he has got good rapport with people he's in contact with.
Sometimes, I wonder whether the situation is too overwhelming for him, say in situation where he meets nearly half of my family members (like both from mum and dad's side, yikes!) I'll freak out if I was in his shoes but I have the upmost respect for him because he opens up easily and he'll just go with the flow. I can sense he's nervous about it but he doesn't show it. He fits in easily and thus, "I love you for that!"
I do not want to force him into doing things because I'm afraid it gets too much for him but he said, he's "OK" with everything...hmmm.....he's sincere about it so alhamdulillah
Anyway, we've been meeting quite often, with him fetching me from work and tution.We're happy, always happy, always smiling (this doesn't stops, it comes to the point where I feel that I've gone senile or something when I caught myself smiling,LOL!) but I can sense that something's amiss. I just couldn't figure out what it is!
One thing that I wish my dear Fazli could work out on, is his familial ties with his family.
Fazli knows how much I complained about my family at times.
He's aware that my mum is not someone to be messed with and he often listens to my complaints and rants about how she wants things her way and yadaaa...yadaaa...yadaaaa... but he's always there to support me, always ready to give me advice, I truly appreciate that.
BUT,
What about you sayang?I want you to be happy too...with your family. I feel bad at times and I did tell him this (like whenever he spent his time with me and not with his family. I told him that there should be a two-way traffic) and I apologize too! I truly appreciate his time (seriously....) for me but I want you to be happy. I know that you're happy whenever you are with me but I hope you could build the same rapport you had with me and my family together with yours. I would love to help but knowing me, the ever so "slow and slenger" Ezan, I tend to be blur in things like this because I never thought that my ideas is good enough. Ah...that's my weakness...low self-confidence!
With Fazli around, hmm...alhamdulillah, I did manage to pick myself up and stop being some "kunniang chic." I may not appear so but ooops...I do admit, there are times when I can be that "kunniang" and it just bugs the "sh**" out of me and even sayang for that matter.
Not many remembers Ezan as the affectionate homosapien on Earth (well except towards my little darlings in school, you know how much I love my "little darlings" in school) but yes....by nature I am. Faz has no qualms of being very affectionate towards me,er....as for me, I can be a little reserved at times. But for this...........I just have to say it (in case you're reading it dear)
I love you Fazli, whole-heartedly.......
(OK Ruthie, you will laugh your hearts out when you read this or anyone for that matter BUT, YES....I love this guy.....very much!)
Anyway, you did not sound good on the phone just now. I know I may not be the most wise person on earth or decision-maker for that matter and it pisses you off kan kan kan, cos it pisses me off too. I'm trying my best. It's just that, I do not want to have nitty-gritty stuff to get into our way and that leads to silence......so sayang, so sorry about er.....I don't know what I've done but I just wanted to say sorry.
By the way, you had your "fun" today (hmmph...not fair ah!), my turn will come soon.
"Hari ini hari you,takper..takper...hari esok...it's mine so you better watch your arse.....LOL"
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