Fashion mags

I'm not a fashionista....trust me, I'm a wuss when it comes to fashion. So much for making a fashion statement say...."haute couture" I knew nuts about it.

Anyway,my brother caught me red-handed when I absent-mindedly walked into a bookstore and bought myself "Seventeen" magazine. Can you imagine me.....of all people reading "Seventeen" in public and yes...I read it in public.

No offence to the magazine though,the stuff in there is pretty good. I don't follow up with the fashion tips though, like what the normal locals might said, "she cannot make it one....wah piang eh!"

This month issue has been rather enlightening. I guess it must have been the countdown to the new year. They were giving truck loads of advice for those suffering from depression,low self-esteem and confidence and many other depressing statement that one could think of. I think it was a GREAT issue,thumbs up to them!

I guess, it has been a daunting moment for me, yet it was all worth it.

I have another problem though? How am I to tell the guy whom I do not have feelings for anymore without hurting his feelings? Oh bother...this sounds like yet another "Dear Kelly" services which you've often seen in magazines.I do not want to sound like an old hag or a better word to express my grievances would be "loser." Fair enough?

I believe totally in platonic relationship and I doubt he knows what it means either. It's really hard and it's really a tormentous moment for me. Will I change my number? I am being so mean and that is not me at all.

Geez.........


So much for being random, this is oh-so-not-random-lah makcik!

Three-fold utopian dream

Now...now...I am not a firm believer of astrology or tarot cards for that matter. Ooopps..truth be told, sometimes I ended up "indulging" and delving deeper into it.

For today,December 30th 2007

"If no one is doing what you asked them to do, perhaps it's time for you to go back over your instructions. What's obvious to you looks like pure genius to someone else. You have a different way of looking at certain situations, and this is a great skill. Always keep an eye out for the silver lining. "

I miss you!

I miss you ,my little cheeky darling...really miss you!

To each his own

You reap what you sow


Now..now....change is inevitable. So much for being in an oppressive environment,
new changes, new people, new ME......hmmm...I'm afraid not. I guess I will still be the same old me,still dodgy and blur but major upgrading still in discussion. Pending......

Oh well, 2007 has been an "OK-LAH" year for me. Excuse my diction.....

Anyway, some guy wrote this to me from myspace, I suppose it's a forwarded message. Oh well,
to all my friends, aquaintance, family members,neighbours, rivals (do I have any?), lovers, flings (????), crushes and anyone at random......

" Do you want to move forward? Acknowledge where you are at the present time. Feel the fear, feel the discomfort of leaving your comfort zone, and embrace the change anyway! New experiences and people are waiting to greet you! The rewards will be great and you will be an inspiration to others."

Wishing you a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The problem with being a Libra sometimes.......

I made someone cry.

I made him cry.

I've made a cuckold out of someone but I did not mean to!



I believe it was partly my fault too!
I guess I was too soft (what...am I?)

Oh well,
to have someone professing his love for you is something new to me!
I guess, I was not thinking straight when I said "Yes!"
Impulsivity...shucks!

But hey, life goes on!
Sorry...sorry...sorry......

I may appear as a wuss if I do this but I'm going to do it anyway (lol!)
Posting some melodramatic lyric is oh so not gnarly...who cares anyway!


I've been twisting and turning in a space that's too small
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall
You've been closing me in , closing the space in my heart
Watching us fading and watching us fall apart

Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore

Oh, don't misunderstand how I feel
Coz I've tried, yes I've tried
Still I don't know why
No I don't know why

Why I can't explain
why it's not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit anymore

You pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin
Well I'll hide all the bruises;
I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone
(This whole stanza is very significant and pretty much sums up how I felt when I was with errr...him. Sorry once again to you!)

Hmmm....I figured, that's the problem with being a libra sometimes. Oh bother....

Fickle-minded

Men are created for women...true?

Hmm....

I think I'm not cut out for it.
I get too bored easily!
There is always a certain difference .
Sound meet sound, the echoes they surround..oh well this time it's just not connected.
I realize that things which were invisible seems concrete now and it's getting too complicated.

He said,"don't you think we're compatible for one another?"(Oh...I can imagine the look in his eyes, the excitement...was I excited...not really!)

That was before,when things were quite murky and abstract.

Until.......

Geez, we have loads of things.............NOT IN COMMON!

Opposites attract, hmmm..not in my case.

Call me fickle, call me demanding but hey......a life is at stake.

I don't feel stoke at all.....what a bummer!

I told him," I guess I was just being naive!"

He did not understand what it exactly means.

I'm so DEAD! The worst thing has got to be the part where I thought he knew what I was talking about but he did not. He was just too...say...shallow?
That's too mean..I know..oh well,you think of a word for me.
Yes,conversation is really important but of course, there should be depth. Well, a little fun brings no harm but I'm very particular about "intellectually-driven" topics. I admit, I can be such a total retard at times. Yes, grammatical errors is inevitable but hey...you're not stimulating me enough.

Hmmmm..then again, we're talking about self-respect and once again my friend, embracing imperfections. But say, if you're able to change the course of nature for the betterment of...say yourself,why not!Why remain reclusive and yearn for the world to revolve only between 2 people?

That's just not me at all. I was muttering a prayer to God today.I'm kinda "chatting" with him as I was watching tv. I guess my prayers were answered. He did not call me today. Maybe this is what I wanted...is this what I wanted?I don't know!

Potential candidates:
* Intellectually driven
*Witty and highly lame
*Affectionate but less jiwang
*Gutsy
Soprts fanatic is a surplus.

If life is full of Ketchups and soya sauce(s)

It's been good!

If life is full of Ketchups and soya sauce, there'll be more char kway teow?
Alright...I admit,I'm hungry!

Here comes the whirling sensation again!

What does trust means in LOVE?

What does it mean when a guy gives you a peck on the cheek?

What does it mean when you started feeling goosebumps the moment a guy touches your back briefly?

What does it mean when a guy put his hands around your hips?

What does it mean when you naturally put your hands behind his back for a brief moment?

What does it mean when he tells you that he cares about you?

What does it mean when he said, if you keep this up, I'll fall for you?

What does it all mean eh?


Does it mean that I'm caught up with Love?

Dilemma

What happens when you are forced to choose between two?

Risk getting hurt alone?Hmmm....I don't mind!

Hurting 2 people at the same time......"O, bloordy murder"

Kiling 2 birds with 1 stone....no big joke!

Risk getting caught........affirmative...darn!

God, help me!

Embracing.....

Today,

as we walked side by side,
I muttered a prayer to God (Allah swt)

"If he's the one, give me a sign.."

The aftermath of a depressing event led me to Him.
I realize I was forgetting all about Him.
I was ashamed of myself.
I gather my thoughts, hoping to have a private moment with Him soon.
He allows for things to happen and the reason as to why it happened to me can only mean one thing....I was drifting further away from Him.

He creates and He can also takes it away from me. It's only right that I get myself closer to him. I realized I've become distant from him,that explains all the tumultous and unexplainable troils and troubles...please forgive me.

I'm putting myself back on track,slowly and I'm constantly asking him for signs.

Today as I walk side by side, I asked Him, "If he's the one, give me a sign! Give me the strength to embrace thy imperfections."

When night came, we got closer but I still need His advice...for now!

Amin

A breath of fresh air

As much as I want to avoid penning down thoughts or my-so-called-drama stories here in this blog, it seems irresistable to do so.

Probably, I need the desperate urge to tell someone about it. Oh well, I am content with this.

Let's see....

2008
-Resolution will never be the same as the ones I made in 2007...affirmative.
It's time I break the mundane tradition.

Life has always been about opportunity cost, I've always felt that way. "Opportunity cost" was just a generic term I love to use whenever I do something and boy... I'm glad I took Economics. Well, I barely pass the paper but I got an A level pass for it (just to make myself feel better...yikes!)

I figured, if I were to spend my time doing my lesson plans for year 2008, that will be major danger for me. Why? The opportunity cost of me sticking my butt to the chair and completing my lesson plans, only to risk myself of all the distraction coming along IS cleaning my room.

6pm
Room destruction, room makeover

Ends at 4am

I can't believe I did it but I think I did. It's looking more spacious than ever (yipppeee!) and it gives me more reason to stop by IKEA to shop for erm...new furniture. Impulse bargains...hmmm.....I don't know!

On the bright side, "bonus" coming...yipppeee........

Suddenly I feel like a newly-wed. Only difference is, I have an imaginary husband (LOL!)

A living pantomime

Why do I succumb to defeat?
Why do I succumb to failure?
Why do I succumb to conquer?

If I stoop, could I have conquer?
If I stood, could I have conquer?

What could have happen if I look down?
What could have happen if I look straight ahead?

Should I...should I....should I?


P/s: It's such a wonderful feeling to have someone coaxing you and talking to you with so much of passion, tone of endearment. It is....only if it comes from a child, tabula rasa!

Sean...you made my day...you really touched my heart! Were those tears for me...awww....so sweet!

My darling, handsome Sean....my little red tomato!